The C Word

[Budgie]

The 12 Rays of Christmas

16th December 2021.

Two days after my Oncology F2F and I'm in a different hospital having a consult with a Radiographer/Lung Cancer Specialist.

He is a good consultant. Goes through my scans in detail and describes the proposed radiography treatment. I am having 12 fractions, i.e., doses, on consecutive (working days) daily sessions at St James hospital. He goes over the possible side effects, describes the process involved and books me in. As he has my medical record loaded, I ask him about my Brain Cancer. It's not really been monitored other than early MRI scans showing it had metastasized there and would it be an option to have targeted radiotherapy on that cancer. I also told him that was the part that real worried me. After checking my MRI scans, he agrees and will also refer me for some more detailed MRI scans and pass these onto a brain cancer specialist for feedback.

20th December and I’m in hospital for a radiography planning meeting. I have some x-rays and a CT scan then I’m off to the radiography department to get tattooed. the radiographers put you on the machine and line you up with laser beams located around the room so they centre on the main cancerous mass exactly. where the laser hits a dot is tattooed, top chest, lower chest and to the ribs each side. I don’t need any special prosthetics made to hold me in place when getting zapped so this goes well and I’m home again in no time.

22nd December and treatment starts. Every working day for 12 days over Christmas into the new year, AKA the "12 Rays of Christmas". I can almost feel a carol song coming on. Xmas’s eve last year I was being dripped chemo and now I'm getting zapped! aren't we all right eh.

The radiography treatments are very straightforward. Clear Covid control, into one of the radiography rooms, strip to the waist. I lay on the radiography unit arms clasped to rails behind my head and position me exactly using the lasers and tattoo dots to line me up. They go into their radioactive bunker and I lay completely still for the 10 minutes of so while the machine does its thing. It's like one of those doughnut shaped scanners you see but rather than have a field spinning in the doughnut the machine works its way around my body firing away as necessary. And that’s it, finito. No pain or feeling of being microwaved. Piece of piss this is going to be I'm thinking. I’ve arranged for PTS to transport me back and forth; it would have cost me nigh on £1K in taxis otherwise. It does mean being ready 2-3hours before appt and it can be an hour or two waiting for the return but that’s no problem at all.

I plough on through Christmas. A really unexpected and happy one again as both family and I didn't expect to still be here at all.

The treatments are easy but I do feel the side effects building up from about 7 days in. Sore, bloody hell, my lung, ribs and shoulders/back feels on fire at times. My throat is swollen and sore making it difficult to swallow even water. But no sickness and although my chest is sore, I can breathe ok if I just take things really easy.

I’m having CT scans every couple of days and during treatment I also have another MRI Brain scan. After nearly 4 weeks it’s all over and I'm sat now waiting for news of possible future treatments.

[Budgie]

Right Here, Right Now - Part II

19th January 20202.

I’ve been recovering well from the radiotherapy and the soreness and throat issue are improving. Late on, about 5pm I receive a call from the Oncology unit saying they have a cancellation and the Radiography/lung specialist wants to see me. I’m happy to oblige, the sooner the better as always, and the next morning at 10:30am I’m back in Outpatient’s having a follow up consult.

We go over the treatment, checks me over and prescribes me some really good cocaine-based throat meds which means I can now eat and drink better. He lets me know that the soreness and throat issue will recede in about three weeks. I could still have problems down the line for a few months, but I’m not burnt, other than one red mark that shows when I have a bath, my hair's still there and I don't feel too bad so he's happy with the treatment.

Then we get onto the bad news. The MRI scans have shown that my Brain cancers have spread all over. There's not just one 6mm lesion but now several 'dots' scattered around my brain. This put paid to any option of brain radiotherapy. I ask about my other options and he tells me that lab results show I'm not suitable candidate for the novel treatment. He also tells me that Docetaxel is off the cards too.

Basically, I need to sort out end of life stuff quick. The chemo and radiography are off the table because the quality of life I have, would be totally compromised by the side effects of treatment. Treatments that would have no guaranteed beneficial effect for me. He outright refused to give me any prognosis at all. Not good at all. He said that they were all quite surprised that I had made it this far and was still so 'strong' and able. But, to put things at home in order and work out what my end-of-life plans are, suggesting i contact my local GP to co-ordinate some of that with hm, like my wishes, how/where I prefer to go and to check what care they offer in these circumstances and start to put things in place. And to effectively make the most of my time. I told him there and then, that I’m hoping in a way, now the brain cancer has spread more, to just wake up one day, have a stroke and drop and that’s it. But no-one knows what’s to come and when so I need to get those bases covered.

The only positive I can take from this is that they don't know when the new cancers appeared. They weren't on the scans from 18mth previous but because my brain wasn't being closely monitored, they don't know when these turned up. It’s possible they happened in early days of treatment and have been stopped/stalled or they could be new growth. All they can do is arrange for more scans over the next few months, monitor them closely and then they'll be able to say for sure.

WOW. Big WOW.

And that's where I am right now. its two weeks since I got that bombshell. Tough telling the parents and kids and family again, more tears spilled I can tell you. But, it is what it is. I aint dropped yet and don't intend to any time soon.

I’ve got a busy few weeks ahead with pensions to finally draw down, pre-paid funeral to arrange, personal docs/details collated. list of things to do when I pop, accounts to close etc, password/account details for all the beauracracy to come. Pseudo will of who gets what to be prepped, plans for a wake of sorts, list of people to catch up with before it’s too late. Make clear how I want to be treated, where I want to be etc, Yep, my heads a bit of a shed just now but all I can do is crack on with it, and make the most of what possibly little time I have left.

My next full-on Face 2 Face consult is now in April 2022 and if I’m still here they should be able to check properly on the cancer's development or otherwise. I am 100% still optimistic though and have got new targets to aim for which take me to at least November. Might still be here bugging peeps next Christmas. At least that’s the current plan, I still feel uncomfortable/aching and have literally, while writing up this bit, just been sick for the first time in a few days

[Budgie]

Cannabis as a Cure?

Being a fan of the green, I'm fully aware of all the claims about the wonder drug and the dribs and drabs of 'research' that's made public.

I still believe that, for a lot of illnesses/conditions, there's way too much snake oily-ness from the self-interested commercialist types and hadn't really considered trying 'the cure'.

Cries of "Judas" I hear, which is fairy snuff, but hey, I've got the bloody disease and it’s still me who's in charge of my head and what it does.

But this has now changed. As there are no clinical options left I am open and free to find my own way. And Cannabis Oil is the one. I am looking into this now with a lot more effort and working out some possible plans to source and dose. Big to start and then onto smaller maintenance doses as time goes on.

i have been considering my Oncologist in this too and will be discussing this with her fully the next time we have a chat. I would prefer to have her on-board and in agreement. That way I can utilise the NHS to monitor my progress or otherwise and have scans and tests to prove it or not.

This s still in the planning and working things out stages, not least the cost and securty implications. 30+ Zips/30ml to start and then 4 or 5 zips a month going. If things are woring out I will 100% be getting my muck and shit together and setting up a groom of sorts.

Police and the courts, fuck 'em. What can they do to me now that would make a blind bit of difference other than to show up their ignorance, ingrained bigotry, and stupid acceptance/belief of the disinformation they are fed and sheep like they work-to-rule by.

[Budgie]

I hope that all that wasn't too much for you, even if just to read it all. I was initially going to do it in smaller chunks but time is against me, so you've all been officially dumped on by a Budgie, I thank you

What do you reckon, quite the adventure so far eh?

I'd appreciate any feed back/input you've got, positive or otherwise and if you have any insights yourself please feel free to post them up.

Any questions, just fire away, I've nothing to hide and who knows I may be able to help peeps in a similar shituation.

[duke]

I hope that all that wasn't too much for you, even if just to read it all. I was initially going to do it in smaller chunks but time is against me, so you've all been officially dumped on by a Budgie, I thank you

What do you reckon, quite the adventure so far eh?

I'd appreciate any feed back/input you've got, positive or otherwise and if you have any insights yourself please feel free to post them up.

Any questions, just fire away, I've nothing to hide and who knows I may be able to help peeps in a similar shituation.

hi budgie idk how much you know about using carrier oils? something i learned from a dearly departed friend,its all about bioavailability and using the right carrier oil makes the cannabis oil much more effective i cannot recall if i have posted the thread here but def over on the circle med section theres also a thread by chew called bio bombs its said that taken orally by the time your liver etc has processed the oil only around 40% is used where you need it,mixed with the right carrier oil it becomes some 70-90% available.
this means we no longer need massive amounts of oil to get a good effect.
if you have read many of my threads over there you will know i dont hold with anyone calling cannabis a cancer "cure" its an adjunct treatment at best and can make certain cancers worse and even more agressive and is ime best help during and after chemo sessions.
tbh other than skin cancers and then only some ive seen little proven curative re cancer but certainly lots of in vetro tests do show cannabis causing cancer cell death,but to be able to repeat the results in a human body by apoptosis or causing the cell death of cancer cells i feel needs to be a lot of good luck involved,but if it was me?fuck yes id be trying every avenue that might help.
and i mean it bud if you need help with anything you only need ask if its at all possible i will help even if its just making oil for you quick and cheaply using my reclaim condenser saves a fortune in iso!
thanks for sharing what must be a hard subject to write about ,peace

[Budgie]

@dukeThanks mate, it was quite erm.. "emotionally and psychologically therapeutic" to go through it all again in my had and put it all down, still bits missing from it but bloody hell, what was going to be a simple thread turned out a bit bigger than even i expected

I know more than some having kept abreast of things for a good 10+ years, inspired by folks like yourself, chew, hillbilly, jeffD and a few others whose names I forget and carrier oils are something I will be looking into. I've been following your threads for donkeys now as you know. I'm aware of how the liver metabolises cannabinoids and have been considering the two hole approach....bum and gob so to speak along with a pin head now and again to see Percy right.

Remember, I'm no lightweight tolerance wise, do an Oz a week without blinking and no exactly what the pure oil is like, even driving home the day after a trip out to Dekay's for a good sesh when he went started subcontracting for Shell's high performance division pmsl.

I've been following your threads for donkeys now as you know and have been catching up on a few of the threads you've ported over here. For me the goal is get the best full-canna-spectrum source I can, do a clean oil run to start, splitting the goods into Caps an Suppositories with carrier oils and reserve some pure for direct ingestion and then let the battle continue, re-armed and re-invigorated.

Thanks for the offer, but I know how hard it is for you sometimes just to take care of the old dear so I'll not be taking that offer from you. You already did enough when I first broke the news and I'm sure that monthly course of caps helped contribute to me surviving this long. Plus, remember your security training dude and keep things like that to PM. I'd hate for your best intentions to cause any grief at all.

[Budgie]

:thx: Thanks for that and too right it is @Chad.Westport and I'm certainly doing my best to live each day as best I can while I can. I'm just wondering if having @2-Scoops round for 'lunch' in the next week or so applies, he'd better have his dancing shoes and raver's head on

[2-Scoops]

Fucking frightening jeez Budgie. Under different circumstances I`d like to say thanks for sharing, but you`ve got my luv man. I`ll ring ya later or tomorrow ive gotta go up see Doctors myself in a bit.

[Marcus]

Farting hell Budgie.

It's one of those moments when I'm struggling to find something to say, but thanks for sharing that.

Keep fighting dude.



It might be a bit dusty in this room or it may be all the onions I'm chopping.

[Nom]

Thankyou, hard reading is that and you're a diamond for putting down on paper.